Use the Person’s Name
Dale Carnegie, author of “How to Win Friends and Influence People” says our name is the sweetest sound. Hearing your name validates your existence and makes you think positively about the other person.
Use Praise Instead of Flattery
If you flatter someone with high self-esteem, they like it because they already feel good about themselves. If you flatter someone who has low self-esteem, it could backfire because it doesn’t line up with their own perception of themselves. However, most people love praise for something they said or did. Catch them doing things right.
Mirror Their Behavior
Mirroring someone’s behavior makes them feel validated, to be more confident and to feel happier. However, be subtle and natural about it. If you nod a lot while you are talking, people are likely to nod back and be more agreeable. It is similar to mimicking.
Be Yourself and Smile
It is important to be genuine. People can tell when you are not, even if they don’t call it out. You need to build trust. Be friendly and smile. It can go a long way to creating connection. And then let your personality show through.
Be Genuinely Interested in People
The road to someone’s heart is to listen to what they love to talk about. Greet people with enthusiasm and be interested in their lives. People like people who show interest in them. Find ways to incorporate what they love into your message.
It is critical to listen to what is being said but also to what is not being said. Watch body language. This can give you clues on their acceptance and help you to adjust your message. Learn to listen more, ask questions and pause to consider their input. How can you frame your desire into what they want? If you listen, you will hear the option.
Don’t Correct People when They are Wrong
Instead of arguing, listen to what they have to say and then seek to understand why they see it that way. You can then explain your position which makes them more likely to listen to what you have to say. You can use phrases such as “Have you ever thought of it this way?” “You might want to consider this.”, or “Do you think this could work?”
Paraphrase and Repeat Back what They Said
To show people you really understand them, you can repeat back what they just said. Use phrases such as “If I heard you correctly, you are saying….”. This shows real empathy.
Learn to Tell Stories
Everyone loves a great story. This gives context to your message allowing the other person to see it as an option. Just be sure it is short, relevant and impactful.
Understand a person’s logical, emotional and cooperative needs
Finding out what style the person needs in order to be influenced is very helpful. Some people need the facts or logic while others want to understand how it will make them feel. Perhaps another wants to understand how this will help them in their team or their social circle. Try to understand the audience you are trying to influence.